Author: luwame

It seems like a lifetime ago when I last posted on the blog.

So much has changed since then. I wrote this blog and sent it to my subscribers in an email a few weeks ago. I felt it should also be shared as a series on the blog, because so many women are experiencing the same feelings I had and still have.

I recently had a baby – a son named Lucas, who is the cutest, sweetest little bundle of joy (except when he poops, I honestly do not remember my other kids having such nasty poop, but that’s a different story). LOL

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Anyway, in addition to having a new baby, I also wrote a book, which believe me when I tell you is just like having a baby (without the physical pain of childbirth).

One thing I am noticing at home more and more these days is how everyone is entering a new season of life. Bini and I, in this new season of our lives are still waking up in awe to the fact that we are now parents to 4 children. In this new season we are both dealing with our ever growing businesses, our family and most importantly trying to work on ourselves so that we can be better partners for each other as well.

Our children’s new seasons are all quite different. My oldest child Bella is a freshman in high school and is dealing with the drama of being 14 – trust me, it’s a lot. My son, who was once my calm and collected kid, is now in 5th grade and somehow realized he has a voice and therefore it should be used. Too bad he is using it to argue and complain about his sisters instead of useful things!

And my princess Novena is now 5 and shares her time between pre-k and kindergarten. In this season she has become an activist for every child on the playground who needs someone to stand up for them. I know I know, sounds pretty crazy right? Trust me though, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if you paid me. All this to say that our house can sometimes feel like a zoo, and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way, but boy oh boy, is it tiring.

When we had Lucas, I thought I handle everything that was coming my way. I honestly thought I could have Lucas, publish my book, be an amazing mom to my other kids, show up for Bini, show up for Rahwa (my little sister who is getting married in a few months), lose all the baby weight in time for her wedding (more on this later too), show up for my friends, family, clients and IG family, and still be mentally, physically, and emotional sane. YUP, I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT ALL AND I WAS SO VERY WRONG.

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During these last few weeks, I learned the hard way just how impossible it was – to do it all. I remember my breaking point, and honestly even thinking about that day makes me cringe. I won’t share the entire story, but let’s just say that I found myself hiding in my closet crying while I could hear my children – ALL FOUR OF THEM – either crying or screaming for me and at each other. It was not a pretty sight to say the least.

Have you ever done that? Hid from your children and just prayed that somehow the noise would just stop, or that you could get a minute to just breathe? Just a simple inhale and exhale means everything to a mother that is on the verge of a break down.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children, but is it wrong to also want to love myself as well? Is it wrong to want space to breath and simply just be? That’s when I knew I could not do it all without losing my mind, or worse – losing myself! I had been down this path before and knew the signs all too well, so I was lucky to get out of it before the post-partum depression (yup I said it – DEPRESSION) hit.

In the weeks that followed that ugly yet important self- realization day, I started to reflect on different aspects of my life. Doing this exercise has always helped me prioritize and scale back on what’s not important at the moment. As I kept reflecting, one scripture in particular kept showing up for me.

ROMANS 12:2 NIV:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I’ve loved this scripture since the first day I read it years ago, and every time I come across it, I honestly learn something new. This time around I got to STOP! Stop and see what is happening around me. Stop and breathe and trust that God has my back. Stop trying to be everything for everyone. Stop breaking myself to please others. Stop mentally abusing myself because I don’t look a certain way. And the most important one… STOP TRYING TO GO BACK TO WHAT I ONCE WAS AND MAKING THAT MY NORMAL.

Stay tuned for part two of this blog, where I will talk about these feelings in depth.

WHAT A YEAR IT’S BEEN!

Regardless of where you are in the world, your life, like everyone else’s, has been affected greatly by COVID-19. So much of what was once considered normal has changed, and we have all had to adapt to that change in one way or another.

If I were to ask you to describe 2020 in one word, I’m sure you would say anything from GRATEFUL to OMG (which is actually 3 words) or maybe even SAD/DONE/BYE. Whichever way 2020 has impacted you, I find it extremely important to reflect on that impact and ask yourself what you are going to do differently in 2021.

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Every year around this time, I like to sit back and plan out the year ahead. I write out my yearly goals and then break them into smaller monthly goals so they don’t seem impossible. One great lesson from 2020 has been that in addition to planning out my goals, I learned how to reflect on all that has happened as well. By reflecting on everything, I give myself the opportunity to grow from my fallbacks while also celebrating my successes. This is a formula for real growth!

I want to not only do this yearly but also make it into a monthly habit, and the best way to ensure that happens is to have clear questions in mind. Questions I can ask myself at the end of every month that will leave me thinking hard about the season of life I am in and also help me grow. I want to share those questions with you today so that you too can start 2021 with full awareness of what it is you want for yourself.

How does one review and reflect on their life?

Well, for starters, you have to be extremely honest with yourself – flaws and all! Be ready to dig deep into the previous week/month/year and see what really worked for you, what served you best, what made you happy, what fulfilled you and what didn’t work, what made you upset, what didn’t feel right!

1. Have I served myself and others in a way that fulfills me? If yes, when and what was I doing? If no, why not?
   *Side note: I ask myself the question about serving others because it is only when you are contributing to others that you will feel fulfilled. Contribution can be anything from helping a friend to servicing people through your work.
   
2. When did I feel most satisfied and when did I feel heavy/stress/overwhelmed? What was happening during those moments?
   
3. What did I learn this week/month/year about myself? How can I grow with this knowledge?
   
4. What can I learn from my heavy days? Can I drop what makes me feel heavy?
   
5. When was I free to create without worry? Why was I free during that particular time?

Remember, in order to get the best results, you have to answer each question honestly. This will help you plan out the week/month/year ahead, because you will know exactly what works for you and what doesn’t. The beauty of answering each question again and again is that with each day that passes, you are a different person. You are always growing, learning, evolving and therefore you cannot be the same person you were last year, last month, or even last week!

I hope this blog helps you or someone you know. I hope you seek the best for yourself in 2021 and always remember that I am here to help guide you along this journey.

Yours,
Luwam

“It’s beginning to look a lot like CHRISTMAS… everywhere you go!”

This song brings back so many memories for me. Growing up, Christmas was always such a big deal. My mother made sure all the ornaments were hung perfectly on the Christmas tree that only she decorated while my sister and I watched and marveled at her work. The house was always full of decorations and Christmas music started right before Thanksgiving up until Eastern Orthodox Christmas on January 7th.

I have so many fond memories of Christmas gatherings at our house. There would be delicious food that took days of preparation and my mother with my aunts and their friends cooking together on our deck in the freezing December weather. If you are Habesha you’ll understand why they did/do that LOL. I remember laughter all around the house, family getting together, and cousins playing. Even after my parents divorced, my mother was determined to keep the same traditions. This was all pre-COVID, when we could freely meet with relatives, travel, spend time together with the people we love.

Normally, my holiday blog post includes updates on Operation Give NOT Receive, something I started with the family 3 years ago to teach my children the real reason of Christmas. I wanted to fill their hearts with the spirit of giving. (Read all about Operation Give Not Receive here and here.)

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This year sadly, due to COVID, we couldn’t travel home or send supplies like we would have in the past. I wanted to keep the tradition alive, so I started thinking of different ways we can give back right here in our community while still staying COVID-safe.

Here are 3 ideas:

1. Donate to your local churches.
   How about this year instead of getting gifts, you saved that money and donated it to your local church? Where I live, Medhanie Alem Parish, the Eritrean Catholic Church in Annandale, VA, is working hard to help families during and after this holiday season. Feel free to contact me via email for more information.
   
2. Make care packages for different homeless shelters.
   Give to the local homeless shelters by creating care packages with socks, masks, blankets, soap bars, baby wipes, hand sanitizers, gloves, pads, underwear, and toys for children. One creative way to give back to mothers would be to gather up your old bags and include all the above items so that that mother can get a new bag and have different necessity items as well. If you’re not sure where to find a local shelter to support, search online for “homeless shelters near me” and check out information on the shelters that come up.
   
3. Donate time and/or money to your local food bank.
   All food bank locations are being extra careful to keep both their volunteers and those they feed safe during this pandemic. That being said though, there are still multiple ways the entire family can help. If you’re not sure about where a local food bank is, do an online search for “food banks near me” and then check out the websites to sign up for opportunities and find out where to donate.

Practice Gratitude

I love the habit of gratitude because it reminds us of all we have instead of thinking of what we lack. One thing I started asking my family and clients: “Tell me two things you are grateful for” — it was amazing to see what came up.

With the children, I do it every morning before sending them to school. With my clients, it’s after a workout or life coaching session. This holiday season, one thing I will be doing with my family is having them write down what they are grateful for every night at the dinner table and putting it in a jar. Then either on Christmas Day or New Year’s Eve, we will read all the notes together. It’s something fun for us to do as a family and it makes us thankful for all our blessings.

I hope this blog helps you or someone you know. As always I’d love to hear from you. What holiday traditions will you be starting this year that are COVID-safe?

Yours,
Luwam