The kids are driving us crazy, the house chores never seem to seize, and life, as we know it, has drastically changed. A lot is happening, and our stress levels have all increased. With tensions being so high, it's only normal that there will be some altercations with our partners, especially given all the new roles we now have to play.
I watched this funny YouTube video a few weeks ago called A Desperate Mother's Prayer, it's a mom who is praying to GOD, and she says "I am a child of GOD, what I am NOT is a homeschool teacher. GOD, I am at home, but Lord, ain't no teaching going on around here. Father GOD, I am your humble servant… what I am not is the cafeteria lady, yet again the devil has attacked and sent down a tapeworm onto my family, and I need you to help them understand that just because there is a refrigerator doesn't mean they have to open it…" you have got to listen to the whole clip, I die laughing every time I hear it.
Anyway, this mother feels my frustrations, because honestly, I feel like I'm a one-stop-shop for EVERYONE in the house. I'm sure, you are feeling the same way! Everyone is pulling at you from all sides so the second your husband says or asks for one thing (it could be anything), you blow up and start talking about all the problems with your relationship when all he asked for was…'where the laundry detergent was' LOL, silly example but you get the point!
The problem we had which I’m sure you are experiencing to some extent, is that Bini and I weren’t seeing each other eye-to-eye, yet we continued to see a LOT of each other. LOL! Honestly, for those of us that work outside our homes or have partners that do, we are only used to seeing but so much of them. So, now that we are all quarantined together and have other stress added to that, it's only normal that we want to lose our cool with our spouses.
Here are some tips that have been working for us during these difficult times:
1) Work in different spaces of your home.
Space is a great thing! Come together for lunch and "after work," as you would have under normal situations.This will create some excitement for you and for the kids too.
Which brings me to my next point!
2) Come up with a detailed schedule of who will take care of what, while you are all home together (especially with the kids being homeschooled).
If dad is teaching today, then mom is responsible for all the meals and vice versa. The bottom line here is that you cannot do it all alone! You need help, help that he should provide!
3) Go on Date Nights (while staying home)!
Just because the outside world is changing, doesn't mean you have to stop doing what works for you inside your home. Date nights are a huge part of my marriage. I promised myself in 2020 that I would uphold my goal of continuing date nights regardless of any situation, and I intend to keep that promise. So, with that in mind, Bini and I have gotten good at putting the kids to sleep or at least closing our bedroom door and watching a movie together or merely using that time to talk about our day and everything we have going on in our businesses. This keeps us close!
4) Understand Each Other!
Now more than ever, we need to be compassionate and understanding of our spouses. There is so much uncertainty, sickness, and turmoil happening all around us, so let's keep our homes a happy place and work on ensuring our spouses feel and know they are loved unconditionally. Be there for one another, help one another, and tell each other how much you love one another every chance you get.
I hope this blog helps you or someone you know. I want you to always keep in mind that everyone’s schedule has been abruptly dismantled and with that change will come lots of frustration and confusion so it’s okay to take a break from all of it and simply enjoy the moment you are in. That being said, if you feel the kids are not doing enough work, or that your workload is piling up, try to think of solutions instead of only the problem. I found that to really help calm my nerves. Also set times for each task that needs to get done, and only work within those times. I hope these tips will ease the tension in your home as it has in ours.
As always, I love to hear from you. What are you doing in your household that is keeping you and your spouse from killing each other? Share the excellent knowledge with us all, please.